Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
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Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
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Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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