So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
