there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She announced her abortion via fbk
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
