Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
