Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
