Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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