he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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