i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
