You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
