How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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