i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
