My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
