My hair reeks of homosexuality.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
