maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
Hypothermia
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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