I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
