Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
