Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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