Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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