Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
