Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We have started to decorate penises.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
