Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
