The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
