Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
