we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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