Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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