I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
