I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
