You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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