your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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