Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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