We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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