i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
