ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
