i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
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you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
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Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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