and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
