Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
