Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
