the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
