My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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