So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
