i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
