i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
