My cat gives me a boner
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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