I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
