I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize