dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
