Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize