One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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