she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
