she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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