hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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