i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
