Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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