4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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