Pants 0. Shit 1.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my shit smells like andre
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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