i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
