im about as happy as oj after his trial
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
