tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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