I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
