I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
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I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I need water and some morals
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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