well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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