thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize