guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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