Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
