The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
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They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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