what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
