My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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