U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
