I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
