my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
