I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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